Be Reconciled

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,From ancient grudge break into new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur’d piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.

      -- William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Prologue


There are two dimensions to Christian reconciliation. There is reconciliation with God and reconciliation with others. Even though Paul does not use that word often, we can be sure it was important to him, because reconciliation with God is achieved through the crucifixion is the alpha and omega of Christianity. If it were not for the crucifixion and resurrection, Paul said he preaching would amount to nothing. In Romans 5:10-11 he says, “For if while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, much more surely, having been reconciled, will we be saved by his life. But more than that, we even boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation." This is important. This is what makes atonement (See Romans 3:25), another name for reconciliation, a big deal. But there are two issues with reconciliation with God. The first, outside the scope of this reflection, is that there are theologians who are up in arms about the need for the violence of the crucifixion to be set right with God. More on that some other time. The second is that, in general, it is a once and done deal.

Reconciliation with others is never done, and as we said last week, reconciliation with others is necessary for forgiveness by God. So, we better get cracking!

There are two sides to reconciliation, success and failure. There are ample examples of both in Shakespeare’s plays, where a disagreement which ends in reconciliation may create a comedy and an unresolved disagreement results in tragedy. Several of Shakespeare’s comedies are based on cases of mistaken identity. Most are accidental, such as in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and A Comedy of Errors, which is one of Shakespeare’s earliest plays, and its influences and weaknesses are easier to see than in his later comedies and his great tragedies. One thing which makes Shakespeare’s comedies so memorable, capable of standing up with the histories and tragedies, is that there is generally a threat of death to one or more characters when the play opens, unless some very unpleasant condition is met. In A Comedy of Errors, a Syracuse merchant is under a death sentence for having landed in Ephesus, unless he can pay a steep fine. In A Midsummer Night’s Dream, a young girl, Hermia, is threatened with death, or a convent, if she does not marry the man of her father’s choosing. In both plays, double and triple misunderstandings arise and get resolved, ending with the death threat being rescinded, due to a combination of magic and the unravelling of the mistaken identities and the generosity of the lord of the city. Reconciliation is good, and leads to true love.

The most famous tragic fallout from a failure to reconcile is Romeo and Juliet. The situation arises, in Verona, Italy, when Romeo, a son of the Montague family, falls in love with Juliet, the daughter of the Capulet family, while the Montagues and the Capulets are deep in a feud which has no reason (as far as Shakespeare is concerned) and has no prospect for resolution. What makes the situation explosive is that there are young bucks connected to both houses who, at the drop of a ducat, will engage in a duel with swords, as in the duel between the Capulet, Tybalt and the Montague, Mercutio. Both die in the duel making the dispute between the two houses even more acute. It is the Franciscan Friar Lawrence who shakes some sense into weepy Romeo and suggests that in the end, the bond between Romeo and Juliet may reconcile the two houses:

Rather than smoothing things over, the plan runs afoul of missed communications and mistaken assumptions, leading to another scene with the deaths of Paris, a relative of the ruling count, killed by Romeo at what he believes is Juliet’s tomb. Romeo, by his own hand with poison, and Juliet, by her own hand, with a knife.

The ending is both ironic, and even more tragic, in that the feud between the two houses is reconciled by the death of four of their children, plus the death of relatives of the ruling house of Verona. In Act V, Scene 3, the Prince scolds the feuding houses:

            Where be these enemies? Capulet! Montague!
             See, what a scourge is laid upon your hate,
             That heaven finds means to kill your joys with love.
             And I for winking at your discords too
             Have lost a brace of kinsmen: all are punish’d.

Love alone does not conquer all. Sometimes, it exacerbates disputes. Wisdom, and slow, careful steps are needed to steer clear of misunderstandings, hot heads, and quick tempers in reconciling disputes, and lack of attention by authorities may let nettles grow and fester already open wounds.

-- Bruce Marold 

Be Reconciled

I recently found an online article by Robert Schreiter, a Catholic priest and writer, entitled, "The Distinctive Characteristics of Christian Reconciliation".  In it, Schreiter makes some very important statements about what Christian reconciliation is, and about how to place ourselves in the mindset of reconciliation. The most critical point he makes is that WE are never the ones who begin the process of reconciliation.  Rather,God--in Christ--is the one who initiates reconciliation and accomplishes it.  We are not capable of bringing about reconciliation between ourselves and God, within ourselves, or with others by our own efforts. Instead, we are Christ's "ambassadors" of reconciliation, as Paul says in 2 Corinthians 5:20, Christ himself is our example of how to live in God's reconciling grace.

Another key point Schreiter makes in this article is the importance of prayer, particularly contemplative prayer, in keeping us open to God's work of reconciliation in our lives.  He states, "By entering into prayer one keeps the work of reconciliation in perspective—it is God’s work, not our own. Contemplative prayer makes us more receptive to the gentle movements of God in the reconciliation process."

I think we all know from our own experience how true this. If we are not in a continual attitude of humility, prayer, and openness to God, it is easy for us to fall into an attitude of negativity or self-centeredness when things do not go the way we want them to. A rift between ourselves and God starts to develop, which then easily carries over into our life with others, leading to blame and sometimes to hurtful words or actions that we later regret.  But if we seek God in prayer and take the time to listen, God will make it clear that all is not right.  If we remain open to God's leading, the Spirit will show us what we need to do in order for our relationships--both with God and with others--to be restored.  And if we learn how to do this, God can use each of us to continue Christ's work of reconciliation in the wider world.

Perhaps we can ask ourselves during this Lenten season:  Where and how do we need to be reconciled to God, to ourselves, and to others?  How can we practice listening more deeply to God, so that this can happen?  If we continually come before our Lord in humility and openness, then He can truly use us as his ambassadors of reconciliation in the world.

-- Stephanie Stover

Re-union

It has been my experience that speaking the truth with love, especially when the desire is to heal a relationship, can cause considerable pain, often to all involved.  Truth can bring undesired awareness and then it is no longer possible for those involved to go on as they once had.  The going forward will take considerable effort and, most likely, a desire to move from the status quo into the unknown.  So we quietly shy away from the hard work of real reconciliation because it requires humility and a willingness to leap into the unknown, often with one's enemy.  

But reconciliation is also a reminder that to re-unite means that our starting place was once unity.  Union with God.  Union with one another.  One with all of nature.  We are just striving to get back to that original state of oneness.

Be brave.  Be daring.  Take a leap for reconciliation.


“Forgiving and being reconciled to our enemies or our loved ones are not about pretending that things are other than they are. It is not about patting one another on the back and turning a blind eye to the wrong. True reconciliation exposes the awfulness, the abuse, the hurt, the truth. It could even sometimes make things worse. It is a risky undertaking but in the end it is worthwhile, because in the end only an honest confrontation with reality can bring real healing. Superficial reconciliation can bring only superficial healing.”
― Desmond Tutu

Be Reconciled

Visit-to-vet day is always traumatic in my household. First there is the strategy required to track down, capture and crate three wily, wild beasts, one of whom seems to be claustrophobic, and whose outraged yowls will immediately alert the other denizens to the game that is afoot. Then there is the eerie growling that is the musical backdrop for the brief ride to the vet’s office.

Followed by the shameless look of (dare I say?) puppy love as the very large, social RedCat stares up into the eyes of his attractive veterinary nurse; the immediate inventory of everything in the room by the black hunter-cat; and terrifying, otherworldly wails and feline obscenities from the tuxedo who is a lifelong enemy of anything that smells of D-O-G.

Inevitably, as soon as we return home, a massive battle breaks out, as though each creature blamed the others for his discomfort. Then an hour of silence as they hide in their respective corners—broken only by soft growls if someone should happen to walk too near.

There is grudging acceptance of each other’s presence over dinner. And everyone is careful to stay in their own areas. While this is better than outright hostility, it is clear that no one is happy or comfortable. Mutual forgiveness for the bad behavior is an important first step. But it is not the last one. Eventually, as the awkward and careful hours go by, someone decides to break the impasse. A cautious approach and a gentle lick of an ear indicate a willingness to move on to the next phase of the process. A wrestle. A mutual hunting of the catnip rats. And an eventual threesome, curled contentedly in the polar fleece blanket.

To forgive is hard. To ask for forgiveness is harder. To stretch out your hand seeking reconciliation requires faith and courage. But it is the best way to achieve healing.

- Laura Howell+

Becoming Reconciled

(Today's offering is from the Ven. Rick Cluett, Archdeacon of the Episcopal Diocese of Bethlehem.) 

Becoming Reconciled

Mercy and truth have met together; *
    righteousness and peace have kissed each other.

Psalm 85

1	You have been gracious to your land, O LORD, *     you have restored the good fortune of Jacob.
2	You have forgiven the iniquity of your people *     and blotted out all their sins.
3	You have withdrawn all your fury *     and turned yourself from your wrathful indignation.

4	Restore us then, O God our Savior; *     let your anger depart from us.
5	Will you be displeased with us for ever? *     will you prolong your anger from age to age?
6	Will you not give us life again, *     that your people may rejoice in you?
7	Show us your mercy, O LORD, *     and grant us your salvation.
8	I will listen to what the LORD God is saying, *     for he is speaking peace to his faithful people     and to those who turn their hearts to him.
9	Truly, his salvation is very near to those who fear him, *     that his glory may dwell in our land.
10	Mercy and truth have met together; *     righteousness and peace have kissed each other.
11	Truth shall spring up from the earth, *     and righteousness shall look down from heaven.
12	The LORD will indeed grant prosperity, *     and our land will yield its increase.
13	Righteousness shall go before him, *     and peace shall be a pathway for his feet.

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ,

and has given us the ministry of reconciliation

  2 Corinthians 5:18               

Reconciliation: It's Personal!

(Today's celebrity guest writer is Trinity parishioner Gary A. Becker. He is a retired high school teacher and avid astronomer, and currently serves on the faculty at Moravian College in Bethlehem.)

It was a muggy, summer-like Friday in late May, perhaps 15 years ago, and having one of the few classrooms in Dieruff High School that was air-conditioned, I had the planetarium unit on full blast. On that particular last period afternoon, the room was cool even to my standards, but my students generally loved it, coming from other parts of Husky High which could reach in excess of 100 degrees F. In full weekend mental mode, I popped inside about a minute before the bell and spied a raised hand in the far corner of the room. It was Hadi’s, a Palestinian who had immigrated to America with his family several years earlier. Dieruff had a large and vibrant Syrian population; in fact, the school was like a giant cultural melting pot with 37 languages spoken by its student population which at that time numbered close to 1800. Hadi was, however, my first Palestinian. He was an excellent student, also good-looking, with olive-toned skin, thick black hair, and brown eyes. He appeared much older than my average astronomy student, probably because he really was older, 19, I believe at the time. He should have been a girl magnet, but he was quiet and respectful, not nearly “dangerous” enough to attract the average, independent Dieruff girl.

Hadi asked me a simple question, “Why is it so cold in here?” I remember looking at him with some surprise and saying something like, “Well, isn’t it hot in Palestine and haven’t you ever heard of something called AIR-CON-DISH-ON ING (air conditioning)?” I emphasized the words and looked him straight in the eye.

I often used humor in dealing with my students and was guided by a few basic rules. Humor was not to be used to hurt or offend, but it could be edgy or sassy, and if I was using humor to work with my students, my pupils could use humor in working with me. It had to be give-and-take, a two-way street, coming from both sides. Hadi was fully aware of how I conducted my classroom, but the response that I received from him changed my perceptions of the Middle East in the blink of an eye.

Hadi said with almost no emotion, “Yes, we have air conditioning in Palestine, but our air conditioners are almost always broken. Whenever we get them fixed, the Israeli soldiers come around and break them once again.” I was speechless for a moment, and I don’t remember exactly what I said, but there must have been some feeble attempt at apology associated with my stammering. After class, I asked Hadi to remain; we talked some more, and I apologized to him in a more formal manner. It wasn’t necessary, he said. That part of his life was over, and he was in America; his life was good. He was a happy person.

I don’t know the specific reasons why Hadi’s family had moved to America, but I surmised that Israeli soldiers breaking his family’s air-conditioning units was pretty low on the list. You see, Hadi was a Christian, and at least at that time, Muslim families were moving into Christian neighborhoods with the goal of displacing Palestinian Christians. In the case of Hadi’s family, it had worked. They had come to America to find a new and a better life.

Fast forward to my current Moravian College astronomy class where I have two Saudi students, Faisal and Hamad. Their faith in Islam is as strong as their desire to be like Americans, and they are perhaps more in tune with pop culture than my other students. Helping them one evening with an assignment, our conversation turned to Christianity and Islam. The topics we discussed were diverse. They were curious to understand if Christians believed that Christ was the Son of God. They had difficulty in understanding the Trinity, God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. They talked about the Koran and the fact that there was only one Koran, but Christianity had many different translations of the Bible. God spoke to Mohamed through the Archangel Gabriel, but in Christianity, God spoke directly to Jesus; yet any Muslim, like any Christian, could speak directly to God. In Islam, Christ would lead the armies in the Second Coming. However, what made the greatest impression upon me was their statement that no one could be a believer in Islam without being a believer in Christ. To me, the similarities of angels, the Second Coming, and belief in Christ gave a commonality between these two world religions.

So why can a 19-year old Palestinian feel no animosity towards those individuals who had forced him to leave his native land, and a Christian and two Islamic students have an animated discussion about their religious beliefs without anyone trying to gain advantage over the other? And finally, if Christianity’s twenty-first century concept of God is equal to love, why do we have so much difficulty spreading its effects beyond the sanctuary of our sacred spaces?

Perhaps young adults think too simplistically, yet I firmly believe that from my personal experiences of being a young adult and from 43 years of watching high school and college students interact as young adults, that their lives are just as complex as ours, but in different ways. Possibly we should pay more attention to their methodologies. At least, they are willing to talk honestly and openly about difficult situations.

So again I ask why the fight among Jews, Christians, and Muslims when we all worship the same God? Obviously the problems are complex, but the solution to me seems obvious and necessary for humankind’s survival. EXHALE, relax, stand down; and although we have diverse strategies in our traditions, we should unite and embrace our differences in a responsible and peaceful manner. Love thy neighbor. Hadi taught me that, and through example, Hamad and Faisal continue to reinforce that concept today.

Reconciliation to me begins with the individual, with his or her ability to accept differences without judgment, and to recognize that as a species we have an obligation to the past four billion years of evolution to preserve our right to exist into a future of understanding and peace. What a shame, if after all of those eons of time, after all of the struggles and the progress we have made, we nuked ourselves into extinction because we just could not get along. I think the God of love would be very disappointed.

Forgiving Others

When I search for “forgiveness” and “forgive others," three images are the most common to appear. First, there are hugs, then children forgiving, then cats and dogs. Even better is a cat forgiving a dog with a hug. Awwwww.

I did another search of about a hundred different works of literature, and I detected a pattern where there are lots and lots of lines asking “Forgive Me” but virtually none suggesting that we be forgiving of others. Why is that? It is, I believe, natural be discomfited by guilt. It distracts one moment by moment. And this is not the monumental guilt laid on a person who has committed a dreadfully wrong act, such as Raskolnikov’s murder of his landlady in Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment. It takes a genuine sociopath, or someone with a pathological feeling of entitlement, such as Judah Rosenthal in Woody Allen’s film, Crimes and Misdemeanors, where he, the murderer, feels less remorse than the Woody Allen character, who is guilty of, at most, a minor “misdemeanor”.

So, there is a great imbalance between the common urge to be forgiven, and the rare impulse to forgive in our stories about ourselves. The former relieves the subject from guilt. The latter is an invitation to enter into a painful exchange. Forgiving another may be construed as weakness, and an invitation to suffer the same infraction from your supplicant. To be sure, the same ratio of needing forgiveness to offering forgiveness seems to appear in the Bible. Look at the Psalms. Dozens of psalms include supplications to the LORD to forgive, but none that I’ve found which admonish one to forgive another.

But the admonition to forgive is there, prominently, as long as we are willing to pay attention to them. At the top of the list is the second verse of the great commandment: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” That doesn’t clearly spin off a recommendation to be forgiving, until you think about it a bit. If you want an even stronger suggestion, consider the lines in the Lord’s Prayer which say: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we who forgive those who trespass against us.” If that is not enough, Jesus even quantifies it in Matthew 18:22 where he says forgive not once, but seventy-seven times.

OK, but it is still not a commandment! At least not in so many words. But that is the point. It is not enough for Jesus to have you obey all the commandments. Paul boasts that he violated none of the commandments of the Torah. And, in fact, I believe Paul. I believe there are lots of observant Jews who obey every last 613th rule in the Torah, for the better part of their lives. But as Paul makes clear, that is not what Jesus wants. The Lord wants us to be virtuous. The heart of Christian ethics is based on being good, not on doing good.

If you need proof of that idea, consider passages in one of the most famous manuals of Christian behavior, The Manual of a Christian Knight by Desiderius Erasmus. On holding a grudge, he writes “…for nothing is so childish, so weak, nothing so feeble and of so vile a mind as to rejoice in vengeance.” On the other side, he writes “He hurt me, but it will be soon amended. Moreover, he is a child, he is of things unexpert, he is a young man, it is a woman, he did it through another man’s motion or counsel, he did it unaware, or when he had well drunk, it is meet that I forgive him. And on the other side he hath hurt me grievously. Certainly, but he is my father, my brother, my master, my friend, my wife, it is according that this grief should be forgiven…or else thou shalt set one against another…”

Erasmus considered forgiveness an important subject to teach young boys. Would it not be wise to continue that tradition with children?

-- Bruce Marold