Holding It "In Tension"

To you, o LORD, I lift up my soul; my God, I put my trust in you;*

      let me not be humiliated, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

-- Psalm 25:1

These words, which the lectionary paired with Mark's version of Jesus' temptation in the wilderness back on the first Sunday of Lent, are not the words of someone who is confident in his or her ability to save the world. They are being sung by someone who is not sure about what is happening to him, and can only hope that God will act to prevent whatever form of humiliation this unnamed enemy might try to unleash. There is also a kind of tension here, between what the speaker knows is right - the love and faithfulness that are the paths of the Lord – and the desire for the treacherous to be disappointed in their schemes.

A marker of that tension is an unwillingness to forgive the treacherous for what they've done to us. I had that conversation with a close friend a few years ago. She called after having seen an engagement photo in the newspaper of one of the so-called “mean girls” who had made life particularly difficult for several of us when we were in school. My friend could hardly believe it. On the one hand, she didn’t think it was fair that this “mean girl” seemed to be receiving the reward of a happy marriage after all she had put us through. On the other, her life had not been easy, and this news meant that things had definitely taken a turn for the better. My friend was still puzzled by her own reaction, however. Even after twenty years and numerous apologies offered and accepted, she still felt that she had something to prove where our tormentor was concerned. The opportunity was now gone. Along with it, she seemed to have lost both the ability to prove wrong everything hateful the girl had ever said, and to find some way of getting even.

As we talked, my friend and I came to the conclusion that even if the chance presented itself, the idea of getting even rang more than a little hollow. They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, though in this case, the coldness would only get thrown back on the person serving it up. Despite that knowledge, it is still very hard to let go of the past. It has proven especially true for me. There are still days when I question whether I would authentically be able to offer sacramental absolution should the "mean girl" ever ask me for it. 

Fortunately, I have to look no further than Jesus' own actions for clues as to how to avoid letting an enemy triumph. None of the Gospel accounts is clear about how he did it, but somehow Jesus was able to overcome any feelings he may have had about wanting to get revenge on his Father for sending him out into the desert in the first place, or on the devil for picking on him once he'd been there for a while. He knew that giving in to the temptation to get even would only lead down a path of self-destruction. That path is not a place many of us are willing to go, and yet we know we need some serious help if we’re going to manage to stay away from it altogether. And thus we pray: lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

-- Amy Spagna+