Self Forgiveness

(Today's celebrity guest writer is Bonnie Lynch. She is retired from the faculty at St. Joseph's University in Hartford, Connecticut.)

Self Forgiveness

Psalm 19 “..then shall I be whole and sound..”

The journey to spiritual wholeness is filled with roadside attractions that can easily become detours, and dead ends; often the responses to these distractions are marked by regret “why did I let myself [fill in the blank]” and guilt “I can never forgive myself”.  Road weary and with our spirit running close to empty, we wonder if and how we will be forgiven by those we have hurt, and by the God who is Savior and Redeemer. 

I have experienced the forgiveness of those I have hurt by my words or actions/inactions.  And too many times, the grace of the forgiver far exceeded the humility with which I accepted their gift.

I experience, but too often forget the ever-present compassion of God.  The petitions of Psalm 51 “Create in me a clean heart” and Psalm 19 “Cleanse me from my secret faults” are reminders of how effortlessly I may deceive myself and others - but not the One who knew me, named me, and loved me before I was born.   

 I confess my sins, acknowledge my failures, ask for mercy, and state my desire to walk in God’s way.  The real obstacle to undertaking this path is me.  Do I forgive myself?  Dare I live with a forgiving and compassionate me?  C S Lewis¹ writes “If God forgives us, we must forgive ourselves” to which I reply “Easier said than done, CS.”  

As a second half of life person, I state, without equivocation, that the process of letting go, learning to love myself and allowing myself to be loved is not for the faint of heart.

How do I/we put the past to rest and begin “…straining forward to what lies ahead.”  [Philippians 3:13]?  At the risk of appearing glib and oversimplifying its psychological complexities, we must let the past be the past.  Or, to use the more common phrase, we must - Let It Go.  This is not to imply that this is nod to the past and we blithely move on.  Would that forgiveness only involved our intellect! 

We all know people for whom past transgressions, real or perceived, become protectors from an uncertain future.  Theologian, Anthony de Mello² compared resistance to letting go of the past and the repeating self-defeating and sinful behaviors to living in a self-made prison cell without realizing that it is a prison.  We decorate it, embellish it, and invite people in all the while failing to recognize the prison bars that enclose us.  According to de Mello we don’t realize that we have locked ourselves in but trusting in God we have the key to unlock it. 

Some of us build prison cells; others of us erect monuments to shame and self-blame.  I’m learning that tearing down my pseudo-altars is a wrenching, necessary, and on-going part of self-forgiveness.   But in the open spaces, there is spiritual freedom and communion…as long as I move forward and not look over my shoulder.

Psalm 19

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight,

O LORD, my strength and redeemer

¹  CS Lewis Mere Christianity.  MacMillan Publishers, NY.  1952.

² Anthony de Mello.  One Minute Wisdom.  Doubleday, NY.  1986